Hi there. I have just published a post I had left in my Draft Section. I have several of them. They are me being honest in how I feel while trying to make a little bit of a life for myself within the Craft World.

It’s hard to carry on as normal in my role with Claritystamp when my world outside of it is falling apart. So I made a decision. I either step back completely or I just tell you what is going on so that I can just be me, the way I am now. Sad about a lot of things, being pelted by those flaming Lemons, but trying to be positive.

I Haven’t crafted since I left the Claritystamp Open Days, and it seems so long ago that I was on Create and Craft! I have tried but just couldn’t do it. I had a lot to deal with in an official since with Paul too which took a lot of my time, and my Son helped me because it was such a daunting task. But then I finally decided to make some Video Tutorials to take my mind off it all and to make up for the lack of Samples I had/hadn’t made. But then the nagging pain in my Leg that I had had for a month started to get much worse. I couldn’t always freely move about, and it even starting hurting while I was in bed too. Some days I didn’t get up because it hurt too much and I didn’t see the point if I can’t do anything when I did get up, but I was getting a little depressed and feeling isolated so just took more tablets and got up. I wrote a post about that but didn’t publish it.

So I have been on a lovely holiday to Menorca with my Friends and my Daughter because it was already booked and I went to Beadnell Bay for a few days to get Skye out and about, and its something we always did as a family with friends too. I haven’t been able to walk Skye (our Dog) myself properly for two months or more. My leg has been too painful.

So I have been watching what is going on with my Crafty friends but felt like I couldn’t join in the conversations, I think I am an all or nothing kind of girl. But I couldn’t move freely without being in pain of one sort or another and couldn’t sit too long because my knee would stiffen up. So moving my craft gear around would have been a bit much too. You should see my Craft Room right now!!!

In the last couple of weeks I have been told that I have Osteoarthritis in my Hip and Knee, as the receptionist told me this she asks if I would like to talk to a DR. Then 2 weeks later I actually did get to talk to a DR on the Phone! And he says, what do you want me to do? Well that says it al, your on your own kid! He then throws in a little Nugget of “its in both your Hips not just one”! And prescribes me some addictive pain killers that give you constipation and can make you dizzy. So I decide to stick to my Ibuprofen and Paracetamol, which doesn’t take all the pain away but it dose let me get about a bit. At least I can drive the car. He did say they could see I had fluid on my knee in the X-ray which was done about 5 or 6 weeks ago, I am pretty sure they could have done something for me on that score at the time instead of leaving me with it!

Anyway, while I was getting X-rays on my Hips and Knee I was also getting lots of blood tests done, giving water samples and going for CT Scans. The day I went to see a Nurse about my Leg, I had also had a bleed the day before when I passed water. So everything was being eliminated through the blood tests and as they were discounting, liver, kidney etc etc, I knew that there wasn’t much left that it could be.

So I went for a test where you get a camera put in you Bladder (mmm not a pleasant thought) but the Dr didn’t bother to do it because he could see a lesion in my bladder from the CT Scan, he knew it was Cancer. He said it was superficial, very early stage and he will cut it out. I thought that was going to be it, but this week I learned that he still needs to do the other checks to see if he finds anything else.

My Op is next weekend so I was going to wait till it was all over before I came back.

I have just been sat waiting for it to happen really, limping about the place not knowing what to do with myself. But then I watched Ower Barbara Gray on TV – Create & Craft Catch Up from this weekend. I couldn’t sleep because I had dosed off in the early evening.

Watching Barbara made me want to get my craft gear out. I had wanted to before but all them Scans and X-rays kept me a bit busy, along with our Holidays. So here I am, its 7.30 am and I have made a very basic card from the lovely Companion Papers and have an idea on the go for a couple of Blogs. I just needed to share where I am before I feel right to carry on Crafting (haha I used to put that at the end of my Blogs – Cary On Crafting!

I am not looking for Sympathy, I don’t want to chat further about my Health or lack of it. But I feel a little like a shadow of my former self at the moment and am not really in a chatty mood, or fully ready to come back to “Normal Life” but I AM in the mood for crafting. Isn’t it a lot about Mindfulness anyway? So thats me,thats where I am at, for all my friends out there I couldn’t tell you earlier because I still don’t have the full picture myself, I just want to come back as and when I can. Barbara and Claritystamp have been great, Jilly Say’s they will keep sending me Stamps and look forward to me sending samples back when I can. Well I missed the boat this weekend but I will post what I make as I make it with the Products I have been sent. There are some real beauties.

I am a little nervous posting this Blog but you know what if I had broken my Arm I would certainly be posting pictures of my Pot or Sling wouldn’t I? So why not share this, and although I don’t have any photos of my Bladder I can show you my Leg from a Holiday Photo I took!!

See you soon

Sam Crowe

HomeCookedArt.Studio@Wordpress.com